Pitch-ilicious Blog Hop Contest

Posted by Heather on Apr 8, 2012 in CONTESTS & HOPS |

I just love a good contest. How fun it is to interact with other writers and possibly gain A.) more friendships, B.) writerly advice, & C.) PRIZES!  So it’s high time I ran another! Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.

WHAT

Create your best THREE line pitch for your novel (does not have to be a completed ms), give and receive feedback from other entrants, and submit your pitch for a chance to win!

WHO SHOULD PARTICIPATE

1. Writers in need of help with their pitches

2. Writers who could use honest feedback & line edits on their pages

3. Writers in need of a website or blog make-over

4. All unpublished or published writers

HOW TO SIGN UP

1. Leave a simple comment on this post and be sure to include your website link. If you don’t have a site of your own yet, you may still enter by including your pitch in the comments. You may also sign up via Facebook or simply send me your info via Twitter.

2. I will keep a running list of participants at the bottom of this post with your links as you sign-up. This makes for easy hopping to and from others’ sites.

HOPPING INSTRUCTIONS

1. Sign-up from April 9th-April 18th.

2. On Wednesday, April 18th, post your pitch to your blog/website.

3. Hop from blog to blog on April 18th & 19th and give other participants feedback on their pitches.

4. Submit your final pitch by emailing it to HeatherWebb (dot) writes (at) gmail (dot) com. The subject heading should read: PITCH CONTEST. Paste your pitch in the body of your email and send by MIDNIGHT on Saturday, April 21st. Winners will be announced sometime the following week.

SHARE

1. Please share the contest on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc. I won’t be tracking you, but I’d really appreciate it!

2. Be kind, but honest with your feedback. We could all use constructive criticism, but there’s no reason to be rude. Please respect each other.

3. In the unlikely event there are fewer than 10 participants, the free website will not be included as a prize, so SPREAD THE WORD!

PRIZES

First Place: A critique of your manuscript up to 2,000 words from editor extraordinaire (yours truly), as well as a FREE WRITER’S WEBSITE/BLOG from professional web designer and developer, Brian Mowell. YES, this is a FREE setup of your author website or blog! INCREDIBLE PRIZE! Already have a site? No problem. Have your existing site revamped for FREE!

Second Place: A critique of your manuscript up to 1,500 words.

Third Place: A critique of your manuscript up to 1,000 words.

PARTICIPANTS

Those without links do not have a site. Please check for their pitches in the comments of this post.

1. JL Oiler                                                              11. Bree Chittim

2. D.D. Falvo                                                         12. Liz SanFilippo Hall

3. Hasmukh Amathalal Mehta                                 13. Bernadette Phipps Lincke (see comments)

4. Diane Stephenson                                            14. Nancy Moloney (see comments)

5. Kerri Reiner                                                      15. Peggy Strack

6. Nancy Elizabeth DeFreitas

7. Janet Taylor

8. Carrie-Anne Brownian

9. Angela Parkhurst 

10. Celia Stander

 

 

 

12.

43 Comments

jadia4708AU
Apr 9, 2012 at 8:38 am

I WOULD LOVE TO JOIN


 
D. D. Falvo
Apr 9, 2012 at 11:01 am

What fun! I’m in, and thanks. :)


 
JL Oiler
Apr 9, 2012 at 11:02 am

Sounds Fun!


 
Janet Taylor
Apr 10, 2012 at 9:11 am

YAY! I am so happy to be part of my fabulous friend’s blog hop!


 
Carrie-Anne
Apr 10, 2012 at 11:49 am

I’d love to participate.


 
Liz SanFilippo
Apr 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Love this idea! Can’t wait to read everyone’s pitches! :)


 
Bree
Apr 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Great idea, now it’s just like…. wait wait wait for the week to end… I have two distinct pitches, one a little shorter than the other, hmm…


 
Heather
Apr 11, 2012 at 8:17 pm

pitch ’em both


 
angela ackerman
Apr 12, 2012 at 11:52 am

Great thing you’re doing here. I wish I had something to pitch :)


 
Nancy Moloney
Apr 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I am excited to be a part of this and thank you so much for doing it. I can’t wait to read everyone’s pitches.
Nancy


 
Peggy Strack
Apr 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I’m in!!! Can’t wait for the fun to begin. You can find me at: http://pstrack.blogspot.com

Peggy Strack


 
Bernadette Phipps-Lincke
Apr 18, 2012 at 12:24 pm

My pitch:

What if you woke up with a different name, a different life, a different reality, and found out that the ‘real you’ had never existed? When Carol Anne Rison wakes up from a medically induced coma all her life memories seem intact. But they are not her memories, they are the memories of a woman name Deliah Simmons, a woman who’s never existed.


 
Heather
Apr 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Hey Bernadette. :)

I like the premise of your book! Sounds cool. As for the pitch, you should avoid opening with a rhetorical question. The same thing goes for queries and even manuscripts. Jump right into the action. I’ve thrown out a few suggestions to get you started. I look forward to your next draft!

1.When Carol Anne Rison wakes up from a medically induced coma, all her life memories seem intact.
2.As the flashbacks…, she discovers she’s emersed/living/remembering, etc. the life of a woman name Deliah Simmons, a woman who’s never existed.
3. This sentence she about her struggle to figure out what happened, or whatever the main conflict is, and how she intends to find herself again or XXX will happen.


 
Bernadette Phipps-Lincke
Apr 18, 2012 at 4:28 pm

How’s this?

When Carol Anne Rison wakes up from a medically induced coma, all of her life memories seem intact. However, she soon discovers that her memories are not her own. They belong to a woman named Deliah Simmons, a person who’s never existed.


 
Heather
Apr 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I definitely think it’s better. But I’m thinking the second & third sentence should be more about how the stakes are risen beyond her living with someone else’s memories. What is happening to Carol b/c of the memories? How is she trying to get her own life back? Who did this to her? These are a few of the questions I think you should try to incorporate.

1. fine
2. But she soon discovers her memories aren’t her own and XXX.
3. tackle the questions I asked here

Does that help at all?


 
JL Oiler
Apr 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

I like the second much better. Interesting pitch that catches attention and get me asking “Whats Next?” BTW I think first sentance is the real catcher!


 
Nancy Moloney
Apr 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Have you ever gone to a funeral service that feels like it will never end? The Gathering, by design, is perpetual.
People are as diverse as the universe yet they tend to gravitate towards others similar to themselves. Asta was an anomaly in this regard. She gravitated towards personality traits in many different people. Her genuine curiosity, patience, warmth and compassion were a magnet for many.
This characteristic becomes plainly evident when she passes on and dictates a very unique style for her wake. It is at this eternal wake that all of the characters in her life meet, many for the first time. Asta’s collection of characters includes an addict, a true friend, a foodie, a self-absorbed diva, a woman from another generation, children and the funeral director himself.
The wake is a journey of self discovery through Asta’s eyes and each person learns the impact of contributing and being contributed to in an eternal sense. Their interaction slowly unravels the mystery and wonder that was Asta.
The Gathering is The Big Chill, except that the attendees at this gathering are meeting each other for the first time. — Nancy Moloney


 
Heather
Apr 18, 2012 at 6:47 pm

First, Nancy, what you have here is a query letter, not a pitch, and it’s also written in a non-ficition narrative style. Read the back cover of a couple of your favorite novels. Think about the language and the pacing. Does yours resemble it?

A pitch a is 1-3 sentence blurb about your novel that you deliver in either A.) a short period of time w/ an agent, editor, other authors, or people you meet on the street who want to know about your book, or B.) on websites, guest posts, etc.
That being said, let’s break down what you have into three do-able sentences. I’m posting it in a sort of formulaic fashion that can be edited, absolutely, but I just wanted to give you something to get started.

1. Asta’s knack for nailing a person’s character flaws is certainly useful at the funeral home, especially since she’s already dead.
2. When XXX and blank meet, XXX happens, and…
3. Give us a tidbit about what these people discover about Asta, though leave us hanging a tad w/ a bit of intrigue

I hope this helps! I’m looking forward to your revised draft!


 
Liz SanFilippo
Apr 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Bernadette – I definitely like your second pitch more, but as Heather mentions I think it could use a bit more meat. Show more of the conflict that comes up from having someone else’s memories, that sort of thing. Hope that helps!


 
Bernadette Phipps-Lincke
Apr 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Thanks you, Heather. I will work on the last line this evening. I’m enjoying this workout on my pitching skills. :)


 
Bree
Apr 18, 2012 at 9:00 pm

@Bernadette – Very cool idea for a story-and sounds enticing the way you’ve put it. Can’t wait to hear a bit more.


 
D. D. Falvo
Apr 18, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I commented on every pitch that I could find on the blogs today–I won’t be back on a computer now until late Friday and promise to catch up on the rest of you who post then. :) I enjoyed this so much and wish the timing worked out better to keep helping out. I’ll be back.


 
Celia
Apr 18, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Hi there, mine is up, thanks :)


 
Bree
Apr 18, 2012 at 9:47 pm

@Nancy – It sounds like a great movie! That’s how I was viewing it as I read your description – I’d certainly watch it or read it. Good luck whittling it down. As Heather said, I am also curious about the main interactions of the wake attendees. If it’s any consolation, I had a lot of difficulty crunching my pitch together and I’m not going to admit how long it took (so far even!).


 
Bernadette Phipps-Lincke
Apr 19, 2012 at 12:04 am

Thanks everyone for all your great support and input. Here’s the latest:

When Carol Anne Rison wakes up from a medically induced coma, all of her life memories seem intact. However, she soon discovers that her memories are not her own, they belong to a woman named Deliah Simmons, a person who has never existed. Carol’s struggle to reclaim her identity will take her on a journey through the darkest unexplored regions of her own mind, as she unravels the mystery of Deliah and becomes privy to a secret that will change everything she knows about reality, forever.


 
Heather
Apr 19, 2012 at 8:38 am

Bernadette,
Ahh, much better. :) Let’s just tighten it and make the language shine.

When Carol Anne Rison wakes up from a medically induced coma, all of her life memories seem intact. However, she soon discovers her memories are not her own, but belong to a woman named Deliah Simmons, a person who has never existed. Carol’s struggle to reclaim her identity take her through the darkest regions of her mind, ultimately uncovering a secret that changes her reality forever.


 
Nancy Moloney
Apr 19, 2012 at 7:07 am

Heather & Bree- sooo helpful – thanks!
Here’s my next draft.
Asta had the unique and mysterious ability to make everyone think they were her best friend, until she died and they realized that Asta’s circle was wider and more diverse than they ever could have imagined.
An estranged husband and wife find out that Asta was secretly friends with both of them; a self-absorbed diva sees that she is not the sole object of Asta’s attention and a confused love interest comes to terms with their estrangement.
Asta’s integrity and character gain legendary status in her community as we get to know the intricacies and intimacies of her relationships.


 
Heather
Apr 19, 2012 at 9:19 am

Nancy– Great start. Let’s trim it a bit.

Asta had the unique ability to make everyone feel they were her best friend–until they convene at her funeral.An estranged husband and wife discover Asta was secretly friends with both of them; a self-absorbed diva learns she’s not the sole object of Asta’s attention, and a confused love interest comes to terms with their estrangement. Asta’s character gains legendary status in her community as the intricacies of her relationships unfold.

I would like to see you maybe take a stab at rewriting the third sentence here. I like it fine, actually, but is their a snazzier way to clue us in to how Asta’s character unfolds? I’m looking for a bit of intrigue. :) Overall, well done!


 
Bernadette Phipps-Lincke
Apr 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

Very helpful Heather. Thanks. :)


 
JL Oiler
Apr 19, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Bernadette Phipps-Lincke

I really like it! Sound interesting! Now here is my question, Could you not say belong to someone named rather then a woman named? It just sounds more fluid to me.

Nancy Moloney

Pretty good but in the first sentence I wonder if it would be better to say she makes them feel or believe rather then think. Just simply because the rest of the pitch suggest that they assumed each were her sole interest so they never really “thought” at all.


 
Nancy Moloney
Apr 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Okay- here we go. Thanks for all of the feedback!
Asta had the unique ability to make everyone feel they were her best friend–until they convene at her funeral. An estranged husband and wife discover Asta was secretly friends with both of them; a self-absorbed diva learns she’s not the sole object of Asta’s attention, and a confused love interest comes to terms with their estrangement. The journey to unearth Asta’s cerebral outlook and sense of boundaries begins after she has gone when a group of strangers try to put together the puzzle that is Asta


 
Heather
Apr 20, 2012 at 7:34 am

Hi Nancy,
The last was a tad rambly. How about this? Maybe it’s not an accurate depiction of what happens? I don’t know, but you see the idea. :) You’re so close!!

Asta had the unique ability to make everyone feel they were her best friend–until they convene at her funeral. An estranged husband and wife discover Asta was secretly friends with both of them; a self-absorbed diva learns she’s not the sole object of Asta’s attention, and a confused love interest comes to terms with their estrangement. As the group of strangers unearth Asta’s puzzling nature, they embark on inner journey’s of their own.


 
Diane Stephenson
Apr 19, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I posted twice now that my pitch is on my blog, but it still doesn’t show up. So I’ll try leaving my pitch here. If this doesn’t work I’ll give up.

Tragedy threatens to destroy Beth Worthington’s life–-more than once. It takes a trip to Switzerland, a lot of prayer, a determined faith in God, delicious home-baked goodies from her landlady, Mrs. Maloney, and a man named Andrew to help her overcome.


 
Heather
Apr 20, 2012 at 7:26 am

Hi Diane, You should actually make it three sentences. :0) But let’s take a look.

1. In your first sentence, I would be specific about what the “tragedy” is. It will give us a sense of tone, as well as a better visual. Also, how does it destroy her life? Try to avoid being too general.

2. As for the second sentence, you have a sort of laundry list of things that help her change. Break it into two sentences. Another issue is that your pitch gives away the end. You want to tempt us into finding out more. I wrote a rough example (though I don’t really know the details), just to get you started.

Beth Worthington’s mothers dies of lymphoma, leaving her destitute and alone. When the chance to travel to Switzerland arises she XXX, especially since XXX and XXX. As XXX, Beth XXX, becoming XXX.

I hope this helps.


 
Janet Taylor
Apr 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm

OK- I think I am probably getting worse instead of better- I took your fabulous ideas and butchered them- but here goes.
Sixteen year old Hope would do anything to rescue her mother–trapped in the crusade-fevered 12th century–despite her fragile sobriety. In the brutal, medieval world, it’s not swords or plague that try to destroy Hope and her team, led by the gruff Collum MacPherson, but a rival time-travelling family. Hope fights to save the lives of her mom and a Jewish girl from the worst massacre in English history, but in doing so, is left behind to fend for herself.


 
Bree
Apr 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Two Aspie girls, Mel Willow and Kim Li are apprenticed to the Man-Rabbit and commanded to do the impossible: learn to love, or their bodies will never crystallize into the super beings he needs for his army. Just as Mel’s heart begins to open, Kim Li is snatched in a coup by the Man-Rabbit’s evil nemesis, Alejandra. Mel must rescue Kim Li and stop Alejandra from awakening evil reptilian bloods in the earth’s core who will annihilate the Man-Rabbit’s forces and occupy Earth.


 
Bree
Apr 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

@Janet – Sounds awesome to me. I’d definitely want to check that out… get writing girl.


 
Diane Stephenson
Apr 20, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Thanks, Heather. Actually there are several different tragedies in Beth’s life so it would be difficult to describe that in one sentence. And it doesn’t actually destroy her life. The story is really about her struggles to overcome these circumstances through her faith in God and her many victories in the midst of pain.


 
Heather
Apr 20, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Sounds interesting, Diane. I’d love to see how you rework it. :)


 
Diane Stephenson
Apr 21, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Heather, I just stopped by again and realized that I intended to say in my last post that I would give it some thought and rework it in the next couple of days. I haven’t done it yet, but today seems to be one of those where I’m too distracted to get anything done. And yet, there have been no real distractions except a phone call. Oh, well, I guess we all have those days. I’ll be back. :-)


 
Heather
Apr 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

No problem, Diane! I know how those days can be. :)


 
Diane Stephenson
Apr 24, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I’m finally back again, Heather. Here is my new attempt.

Beth Worthington struggles through more tragedy than most. Will her faith in God carry her through? Will her dream ever be realized?


 
Heather
Apr 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Thanks for resubmitting, Diane, but unfortunately,the contest is now over. :( But I will tell you this, You’re on the right track. Try to avoid questions. Also, give us a clue as to what her dreams are and how she struggles to reach them.
Thank you for participating. I hope to see you again for the query contest next month. 😉


 

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